MAY 2005 . . . Hopefully improved.

May 1. Erika, Emmy, and I were driving around Seattle trying to decide what to do with a balmy spring night. Looking for a laugh we tried to contact the hilarious David Swidler, who apparently had "other plans." I have three words for you D.S. Wha tev er! As luck would have it, we had an artificial limb in the back of my car. So we drove to Dave's place and attempted to leave the plastic leg on his porch. As we ran from Dave's house like pre-teen ding-dong-ditchers, David's BRITISH MOTHER caught us and yelled after us in an adorable post-English accent. "What would you like me to do with this?" she said, fake leg in hand. Shamefully we sulked back to the porch and asked politely if she would give it to Dave. "Oh sure," she replied, "I'll just put it in his bed." The night was rounded out with a little frisbee at Golden Gardens, where karma granted Erika with an old rusty nail in the foot. We then watched the cult-classic Barbarella with Dave who joined us late for some bad movie yuks. Later Erika got a call, it was Dave "How did you get that in my bed? You just scared me shitless, anyway, thanks for the leg, it's everything I ever wanted." 2. Erika the Kougar leaps from being Stuck in the Muk to Capitol Hill. 3. Joanna and I watch the Sonics advance to the 2nd round for the first time in ages. 4. Erika and I go to pick up the animal costumes for Saturday's farewell party. We find five amazing costumes and the lady says we can take them TODAY, so we make a pact to not tell anyone, so we can break them out one day at a time and surprise our friends. I also went to a Mariner's game by myself, and they lost, badly. Later that night at a BBQ at Fort Awesome, the BUMBLEBEE attacks the party goers. Then as if nothing had happened stays to dance to some of the "Awesome" music. 5. Cinco De Mayo De Mukilteo. I coerced all my friends into coming to Mukilteo for a lil Mexican celebration at my Mom's house. (At this point both Dave and I lived with our parents, I now live with my sister, and Dave sleeps beneath the DJ's booth at Deja Vu) My mom has a huge frog collection, so tonight we broke out the frog costume. We took the less cumbersome bumblebee to Harborview Park to play some frisbee, which turned out to be the most hilarous thing I have ever seen. As we arrived at the busy park Joanna and the Bee (played by Erika) jumped out the car and headed for the grassy field. Joanna threw the frisbee at the Bumblebee and it smacked right into the side of the Bee's gigantic head, sending the massive yellow and black creature rolling down the hill. We all exploded with laughter, and I actually fell down I was laughing so hard, and everyone else in the park looked at us like we were a bunch of freaks. Fair enough. 6. After the boys from the band "Awesome" saw the Bee cut a rug to their new songs, they decided that the Bee would have to Dance at their next performance at Spin the Bottle. Spin the Bottle is a popular Seattle theatre, music, poetry, sketch comedy cabaret where The Habit, "Awesome", and numerous other groups made their debuts. I made a deal with them that not only would the Bee dance but a new animal would make a surprise cameo appearence. After the Bee retired to thunderous applause, the ROLLERBLADING BEAR came on stage and rocked the house. 7. Erika's farewell Party. First we took the ferry to Vashon and priemered the EAGLE, and then broke out MONKEY for the huge house on Vashon. We returned to Seattle fully costumed on the ferry and we were huge hit with the tourists and little league teams. We got to Evan's house exhausted but still managed to have a great party with a bunch of old friends and collapsed comfortably calling our week the "Best Week Ever!" 8. Mother's Day, I worked thinking it would be a cash cow, but instead I got screwed by SEPERATE CHECKS! I did however have a lovely Greek dinner with Mom. 9. Packing for Santa Fe. 10. Leaving Seattle: I had already been offered a job with the Santa Fe Opera for the Summer but they didn't hire Joanna saying they don't hire couples. So Joanna was going to come along jobless and hopefully find something. Just as we were leaving the driveway I got a call from my soon to be manager. He asked "is Joanna doing anything this summer?" and promptly offered her a job at the box office too. 11. Oregon: Too much fog. Idaho: Too many hawks. Utah: Too many Mormons. We slept that night in Moab, Utah. 12. We awoke to find ourselves surrounded by gigantic Red Rocks and snow capped mountains in the distance. Then we spent the day at Arches National Park which might be the most spectacular place I've ever been. 13. Finally we arrive in Santa Fe and meet my sister Lieta and her boyfriend Nigel, and we sleep on their concrete floor. 14. We moved to my Uncle Archur's place. 15. Rest and preparation. 16. First day of work at the Santa Fe Opera. 17. Joanna and I attempt our first ever real game of Ultimate Frisbee. 18. We move back to Lieta's place on the river, known as Red Sky Studios. 19. We watch the Sonics actually defeat the Spurs, which would only happen once more. 20. Work and drive South to Carlsbad. 21 We head underground to Carlsbad Caverns National Park. The caverns are huge and full of penis shaped stilagmites, but I only took a picture of the one that looked like a boob. That night we watched tens of thousands of bats emerge from the caves at sundown. 21. I visited Texas! A state I hate for obvious reasons. We hiked Guadalupe Mountains National Park in the morning, and attempted to pass the 120 degree afternoon watching a movie in El Paso. El Paso, as it turns out is the most USELESS CITY in America, they don't even have a decent restaurant, much less a good movie theatre in that town, but if you like Butfugly people in giant SUV's this may be your city. So we headed back to New Mexico and stopped at WHITE SANDS NATIONAL MONUMENT. Beautiful stark white sand dunes are surrounded by rugged mountains. The 360 Sunset was the best I've ever seen. To the west just above the mountains the clouds turned bright red. To the south there were those huge pink and purple puffy clouds you only see out here. In the east the full moon was rising above the dunes and to the north a huge Thunderstorm. 23. Nothing. 24. Played some more Ultimate with the hardcore players in cleats, and joined them for $2 beers and wings at the Catamount in downtown Santa Fe. 25. Joined some work buddies for drinks at a super swank/gay bar call Swig for $5 martinis, Joanna and I left a little early for the New Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. I liked it, it had lots of action and cheesy dialouge. "He killed all the younglings!" 26. Best Thundercloud Ever. It looked like the approaching alien ships in Independence Day with Lightning shooting outward and upward and inward. 27. Played basketball with some local Santa Fe CHUMPS, actually they were just about as talented as me, but they hadn't seen my cornicopia of ridiculous moves. So needless to say I schooled them with the cross-over, pivot, Detlef Schrempf bastardized fade away, and bank it in with the left McScoopy. I also saw my first Buster Keaton film with a live score. The band kinda sucked, but Damn!!! Steamboat Bill Jr. is a hilarious movie. 28. Joanna and I took advantage of Lieta's empty studio and broke out our favorite games and footwear. I put on the Rollerblades, she broke out the tap shoes and we danced and fooled around and played hockey with paint rollers and a Cambodian woven ball. 29. River rafting on the Rio Grande, which had swelled from an unusually wet Southwestern winter. The rapids were intense but the fat lady in front kept us from flippin. Four people died on the same river later that week. 30. Dinner with Arch. 31. Moved