VENICE 2006-- In retaliation for being forced to wait 4 hours for docking in an April 2005 Princess vacation cruise to Venice, Captain Ernesto Poretta responded this time by taking docking procedures into his own hands.
"I don't have time for this bullshit, the buffet has been picked clean, the line up for shuffleboard is around the pool. If we can't use the grand canal, no one will."
Even though Venetian port authorities assured Cpt. Poretta that the wait for docking would be less than an hour, the captain took immediate action.
"Less than an hour?!? That's what they said last time. The dock is right frickin there! Do I look like a moron? These damn city officials probably don't even remember me. Well now they will." Then the Captain aimed the mighty cruise liner at the heart of St. Mark's square, sending Venetian vendors, pigeons, and tourists fleeing in terror.
"I'm gonna rip this bitch a new one!" screamed the captain as the hull of the boat ripped through St. Mark's square.
Venitian city officials have yet to comment on the new canal.
What the hell is going on?
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