Cheers, Gung! I don't wanna be rude right?
Mmm, the sweet taste of scorpion.
Ungghh Ngyueynnngg! Oh God. What? You want me to take a few more? OK, Ok. Time to go back to my room. Wait there's a lady in the tiles in my shower. How you doing? Hey lady, do you know why there are so many caves in Halong Bay? Because the fishermen got mad at the monkeys for eating the fish and threw them against the cliffs. That's where the caves come from lady, I can't be wrong, I'm full of scorpion liquor. You are the prettiest tile lady I've ever seen. Do you know why there are so many caves in Halong Bay? Monkeys! Yep.
Next day: Rendered futile! Excruciating pain! There's a goddamn scorpion in my stomach.
This is the worst stomach pain I've ever had. It feels like someone stabs me in the gut every 3 minutes. Then it goes away. Ah that's better. STAB!!! Ouch, Damn, AHHH. Oh it's gone now, boy that wasn't a big deal, just better not have anymore Scorpohol. STAB!!! Ahhhh!!!! Damn it! I got to get out of Nam. Damn you Scorpion Liquor!
Please give Enrico a giant kiss for me when you see her...
ReplyDeleteMake sure you don't have a scorpion in your mouth at the time.
Scorpio!
ReplyDeleteHe'll sting you with his dreams, of power and wealth.
Beware of... Scorpio!
His twisted twin obsessions are his plot to rule the world
And his employee's health.
He'll welcome you into his lair
Like the nobleman welcomes his guest!
With free dental care and a stock plan that helps you invest!
But beware of his generous pensions
Plus three weeks paid vacation each year
And on Fridays the lunch room serves hot dogs and burgers and beer!
He loves German beer!
LOVE your blogs man! Miss you =)
This is why men weren't made to give birth. If you can't stand a little stomach pain every three minutes that you are just not the woman I thought you were. :)
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm watching a bad horror flick where the blonde, vacant cheerleader is wandering down the dark, deserted school hallway following a noise and cooing, "Is anybody there?" I (the audience) am screaming, "NOOOO, turn back.....don't follow the machete man, don't drink the liquor with the poisonous scorpion...AHHHHH....turn away....."
ReplyDeleteI may be overreacting(because you're fine, just fine), but I'm not sure I can read anymore without developing an ulcer.
Just kidding! The adventure continues.....
Eh, I've seen you look like this with a half-bottle of vodka and a hot dog in your stomach.
ReplyDelete"Hey lady, do you know why there are so many caves in Halong Bay?" Ladies and gentlemen, Ambassador Mark Siano.
ReplyDeleteDear God.
ReplyDeleteAre Lindsey and Paris with you?
ReplyDeleteIs Us magazine following you around?!
"Mark Siano is just like us,he drinks liquor with bugs in it,and talks to tile ladies!"
This blog is making me late for work. Damn you, Siano.
ReplyDeletethat's a really mean thing to do to monkeys.
ReplyDelete