Tuesday, April 27, 2004

99 degrees in L.A. Today a new record. Global Toastification has begun!

My dear friend and greatest enemy Ryan K Dobosh has been corresponding with his republican mother over email and the debate has gotten ugly. They have both been sending each other hyper partisan spamails. Usually liberals and conservatives send these messages to all their like minded buddies. But occasionally one of these fact grenades (trademark) gets thrown across party lines. The rhetoric is so powerful that it can even destroy the bond between a mother and her son.

I'll respond "in quotations since bold and italics are being Assholes right now!"
What good is that?

Perspective; Little known facts.

"Facts are good! Perspective; in this sense, seems abstract, especially when followed by a semi-colon!"

Some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war. They complain about his execution of it. One liberal recently claimed Bush was the worst president in U.S history.

"Some consists of 50% and growing of the American public, and the overwhelming majority of the rest of the world. That's a lot of people. His execution of it has been poor. And there isn't one true liberal in the world who wouldn't agree with that statement. Although Millard K.K.K. Fillmore was a unprecedented tyrant!"

President Bush did NOT start the war on terror it was started by terrorists BEFORE 9/11.

"A yes, technically the war on terror was not started by the terrorists, they started the war on non- head-dress-wearing-folks decades ago, but I doubt they would call it the war on terror. I mean if they started the war they should get to name it, right?!"

Let's look at the "worst" president and mismanagement claims.

"Whoa! The fact grenade (TM) just used quotations, that wasn't me editorializing!"

FDR led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did.

"Where to start. Uh . . . OK. We actually did go to war with both Japan and Germany, they were allies! Italy too! FDR wasn't content with only going after one part of the axis, what a dirty warwonger!"

From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost an average of 112,500 per year.

"That's a lot of dead people! Damn you FDeathR!"

Truman finished that war and started the Korean War North Korea never attacked us.
From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost an average of 18,333 per year.

"How dare Truman finish that war, he should have let FrankDR rap that thing up. Starting the Korean thing was indeed unsuccessful, but at least he didn't lose 112,500 people a year like FDReaper!"

John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962.

"Wrong! The Viet-Mihn started the conflict when they attacked the French!"

Vietnam never attacked us.

"But is planning to now!"

Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire.

"When quagmiring a Vietnam, its best to peel off the skin before seasoning, everyone and their mother knows the quagmire recipe, I don't know if LButtfatJohnson deserves full credit!"

From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost an average of 5,800 per year.

"Still better than FudgepackinDR with his 100,000 a year dead!"

Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent.

"Not one soldier died in Bosnia, but still, he should have talked to the UN/French Axis of terror-lovers!"

Bosnia never attacked us.

"Clinton went into Bosnia to break up a fight, and for some hot ethnic Albanian poontang!"

He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing.

"I've heard that a lot, and I'm pretty sure that it is indeed a relevant criticism of William."

Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.


Over 2,900 lives lost on 9/11.

"Fact again!"

In the two years since terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Lybia, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, captured a terrorist who slaughtered at least 300,000 of his own people.

"Bush has been busy, certainly."

We lost 600 soldiers, an average of 300 a year.

"Best president ever!"

Bush did all this abroad while not allowing another terrorist attack at home.

"Except for the D.C. sniper, which I count as a terrorist!"

Worst president in history?

"No, with only 300 dead a year and a U.S. contolled military state in Iraq, a country controlled by Taliban-like warlords in Afghanistan. He's the best president in History!"

Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but... It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Dravidian compound. That was a 51 day operation.

"Republicans have recently been embracing the Branch Davidians again. Unsettling. The war in Iraq is not over, just because you get a Saddam statue to fall on the Sunday morning TV shows does not mean that the Iraqis are going to embracing American tanks patrolling their streets!"

We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.


It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Teddy Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick.


It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida!!!!

"OK, that was a pithy one, especially with the quad-exclamation at the end, I'm going to take my one ! and times it by two. After that dear sir, would you be so kind as to Double It!!!!"

Our military is GREAT! PASS IT ON

"That is very positive, everyone loves the troops, but Rumsfeld is not a fully reasonable or in any way a successful war commander and Bush should have been riding his ass, making sure the war was going favorably!"


Now, dear readers, would you kindly tell me, how am I supposed to respond to this SHIT?

Seriously though, what should I say? Best response wins a *prize!


Well Ryan K Dobosh, I think you threw the first stone with your Bush Bashing Fact Grenade TM and now you've got to clean up the mess. I would recommend sending her the email back, and agreeing with her whole heartedly! FDR was the biggest Nazi of them all (excluding Millard "kill the darkies" Fillmore) and Bush is the best. Tell her that the email swayed you to thinking Bush was now only the 6th worst president of all time.

* * * *
Worst Presidents Top 10

10. George Washington -owned slaves
9. Ulysess S. Grant -killed Southerners
8. Andrew Jackson -all of the above
7. Jimmy Carter -being a wimp
6. George W. Bush -liberated Iraq and Afghanistan with ease
5. JFK -started Vietnam
4. LBJ -quagmired the Vietnam
3. Bill Clinton -got his dick sucked in the Oval Office, and refused Sudanese Osama head cheese
2. FDR -attacked Germany, when Japan attacked us, lost 120,000 Americans a year
1. Millard Fillmore -admitted California to the Union