Feelings

I feel pretty good right now. Yeah.

Mark Siano goes Solo

Mark Siano performing in NYC Oct. 21

OCCURRENCE
This Sunday, October 21 @ 9:30p

NEW VENUE!
The Tank @ Collective Unconscious
279 Church Street
(just south of White St. in lower Manhattan)
http://www.thetanknyc.org/theater
$5

featuring:
- the musicomedical stylings of Reggie Watts!
- Mark Siano blasting us with song!
- a short play about baseball and the devil by Tommy Smith!
- ventriloquism by the wonderful Carla Rhodes!
- the phantasmagorical performance of Liza Petersen!
- Michael Lopez indoctrinating us to Carnaidesai corporation!
- THREE new films.

for those who forgot:
OCCURRENCE is a rollicking alternative performace + film event curated by comedian Reggie Watts and playwright Tommy Smith. Occurrence invites innovative performers to play short sets. The evening closes with a comedy/music set by Reggie Watts.

The Mark Siano SUPER Soft Rock Spectacular!

A new show with all the fun and hilarity of the original spectacular but vastly improved. SUPER SOFT has more comedy, new sketches, new jokes, and hot new dancers. We've also added more great musicians, more dancing, a hilarious karaoke video, and a new soft rock original hit single "Up in your Inbox." Come see the performance that last time had packed houses laughing hysterically and jumping to their feet with wild applause.

RE-BAR
Sept. 28, 29
October 5, 6

Performances at 8pm Friday and Saturday nights
Re-Bar is located 1114 Howell St (corner of Howell and Boren) 206-233-9873
Tickets are $14 at the door $12 pre-sale with Brown Paper Ticket for tickets call 1-800-838-3006 or visit www.brownpapertickets.com/event/19374

great video available at the ol myspace. www.myspace.com/marksiano

House of Dudes no more

For the past 2 and half months, I've been living with 5 other young men. A bunch of post-graduate boys who rent a house in Ravenna. I mockingly called it, THE HOUSE OF DUDES. Never did I intend to stay here long or get attached, but damn it, some of those dudes were really cool. Even though I'm moving into a studio on Capitol Hill, which I've always wanted, I'm genuinely gonna miss the House of Dudes. No, I won't miss the dirty dishes or overflowing garbage or the crowded fridge. I will miss the company, I'm not naturally a solitary person, and I'm started to dread living alone.

Being . . . lonely. I already felt lonely enough in a house of dudes. Sure we say we'll stay in touch, but you know how break ups go.

How will I give Rommel a hard time when the Yankees lose two straight? I have to call. Will I?

Sorry House of Dudes, I just think we should see other people for a while. It's not you it's me.

Another Hit Show

Legends In Their Own Minds was a big hit last weekend. We sold out both shows and the audience loved it. It was great having Mr. Dobosh, my best friend, in town for a week to do a show. Now he's back in L.A., but we think we may have made a breakthrough. Monologues and storytelling may be a new direction for the comedy troupe THE HABIT. It's easier to rehearse and it's really funny and satisfying. Screw sketch comedy! I think audiences may like this kind of thing better. Now we don't have to spend time rehearsing scenes and flying back and forth from L.A. to Seattle for weeks on end.

I'm taking a little time off, but then I'll be back doing The Mark Siano Soft Rock Spectacular on Sept. 28, 29 and Oct.5,6 at the Re-Bar! We're remounting the show, but I vow to make it much, much better. More dancing and more comedy! Give the audience what it wants!


P.S.
I just bought a scanner too, so I may get back into Calendar Doodling, the original focus of this blog.

Legends In Their Own Minds

A comedy featuring: Mark Siano, David Swidler, Seth Koellen, Mara Siciliano, Rachel Hynes, Megan Hesscock, and Ryan Dobosh.

This Friday and Saturday July 13 & 14 at The Rendezvous Jewel Box Theatre. 2322 2nd Ave

8pm and $8 at the door.

EXTENDED!

The Soft Rock Spectacular was so Frickin amazing, that we're doing it again!

Saturday June 30th at the Re-Bar at 8pm. That's right, we killed, and we're out to kill again.

I got my first standing ovation in 8 years last weekend, and I can still hear their screams!

The Mark Siano Soft Rock Spectacular

I'm performing live this week at the Re-Bar with the most amazing show in the history of mankind. This show is so soft it hurts. It's got the sexy dance troupe THE FREEDOM DANCERS. Guest Singers Joanna Hardie and Laura Etling will sing some Billy Ocean and Phil Collins and Pat Benetar. I'll be laying down the comedy too as I vocally caress the audience with my smoove baritone. June 22nd and 23rd, friday and saturday, at the Rebar in Seattle. 8pm.

I've done a lot of shows in my day, but this might be the most satisfying thing I've ever done. If the audience enjoys watching this show at least a third as much as I enjoy doing it, we're in really good shape.

Up in the air

Here I am again, confused about what I'm doing with my life. For a while there, I was a really prolific calendar artist, then I started getting up on stage again and I didn't have enough time to invest in the art. Don't be mad, I can't help it, my constantly changing motivation keeps pulling me in different directions. I have to listen to my heart and right now it's telling me "thump bump, thump bump, thump bump", you know what that means.

Next week I've gotta move on out and head to L.A. and then perform a show in Orlando. After that I have no idea where I'll live, but I do have two more gigs in Seattle in June and July. So, I guess I'll keep living here for a while. Then what . . .

This will be a million dollar idea: I think I'll start a go-cart track for drunks. That's always been a dream for me. Instead of using rubber tires as dividers, I'll use common railroad hobos. Drunk on drunk violence will teach everyone a valuable lesson about caring and community, and how we as a society need more recreational activities to enhance our collective quality of life. Finally Skid Row Go-Carts can fill that void.

The Mark Siano Cabaret Encore Presentation April 12

This is gonna be an awesome month, I'm calling it now! I got one gig on the 12th and hopefully at least 2 more before the month is through. I'm currently on a "Conquering my fears tour" of Seattle performance. I've done the one man show (with dancers), I've done the stand-up comedy, this week it's doing improv and taking some dance lessons.

The Mark Siano Cabaret was a hit!

I even actually made some money!

The laughs were big, the houses were good, the audience appeared to be both young and hot! Now I need to take that momentum and keep going. But I really just want to watch a stupid movie! No! Damn it, I'm going to do stand-up open mike tonight, I can put it off no longer.

I'm funny, now I need to be fearless!

The Mark Siano Cabaret March 23, 24 Rebar Seattle

NEW SHOW!!! I just booked a gig at the Rebar on March 23rd and 24th! The show will be on a Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm. Rebar is a performance space with a FULL BAR!!! It's located at 1114 Howell Street and the corner of Howell and Boren.

It's called THE MARK SIANO CABARET and it features me for the most part with cameos from a bunch of my friends. I'll be doing some stand-up, story-telling, sketch comedy (w/ some old Habit bits), singing, and some really bad dancing!

This is my most ambitious project to date and it will undoubtedly be hilarious! If you live in this town check it out, if not catch a flight, or craigslist a rideshare, just get here! I'm warning you, if you miss this show, your life will go on pretty much the same as before.

How to Save Iraq by Mark Siano

Ceasefire Celebration

There is only one thing that both the Sunnis and the Shias can agree on. They both want the United States to leave. Here's the deal. We'll leave, but only if these two warring factions sign a ceasefire.

Now let the party begin. The Iraqis can celebrate saying that they defeated the Americans. Meanwhile Bush can lie and say that a stable democracy has been established and essentially America has won. The Iraqis only have to stick to the ceasefire for a short period of time and then they can decide if they want to split the country along sectarian lines. Sure ceasefires aren't perfect, but if the Israelis and Palestinians can temporarily decrease the violence, so can the Iraqis.

We start leaving and bring in the UN Blue Helmets to help keep the peace. Bring in every Arabic speaker they have and tell the troops that their primary job is to CONGRATULATE THE IRAQIS. Instead of Iraqis firing guns at each other, they turn their guns to the sky in celebration.

The Iraqi government will then declare that after a short time (6 monthes or so) there will be a referendum vote to decide whether the country should be divided. This could also temporarily quell the violence. After living in relative peace for a while, people in Iraq might actually find that they enjoy it!

This plan is far from perfect, but it will save a lot of lives, and it's a hell of a lot better than an escalation.

I think someone punched me in the face!

I don't remember getting punched in the face. There is a bruise on my nose that I discovered after the Seahawks v. Cowboys game. I don't know how it happened. Yes, I was very intoxicated.

I snuck into the Seahawks game with ease. I showed up in my catering outfit, and flashed my badge at the back gate. That was easy. I brandished my mighty apron when the cop at the sign-in table tried to stop me. Again easy. I slipped past the bag check just like last year and headed for the elevator. There I met a "fellow employee," he was a beer vendor, and together we waited for the elevator. Security told us we didn't get to ride the freight elevator and that we had to take "the ramp." Beer vendor guy was pissed, I acted casually annoyed.

We headed for the ramp, and another security guard stopped us.

"I need to see your wristbands guys," he demanded.

Beer vendor quickly produced his, and I pretended to flash my wristband and attempted to walk away. He didn't fall for it.

"Hold on. Where's your wristband?"

"I missed the check in, I was running late."

"You gotta have that wristband, we're on Code Orange."

"I'll get it from my manager on the club level," I said and walked away uncontested. I never found out what Code Orange meant. I interpreted it as, "let 'em go!"

I walked past a few more gates with my trademark confident "I know what I'm doing" stride. I carried the apron high, so security guards would know that I was not to be fucked with. Walking into the main concourse unobstructed I headed for the bathroom to change. Dropping my apron and putting on some Seahawks gear, I completed the transformation from caterer to superfan.

Without any plan after that, I ventured the stadium in search of a good vantage point to watch the game in case I couldn't get seats. At random I decided to try section 311 to get off my feet for a while.

"Mark!" I heard someone yell. I didn't think anyone I knew was going to be at this game. It was Jenny and Jay sitting in section 311. Jenny is the girl that helped Ryan Dobosh and I sneak into the All-Star game back in 2001. I just have that kind of luck. Fortune favors the bold. I hung with them for a while and they hooked me up with some gloves and a blanket which was extremely helpful, because that stadium was really cold and my catering disguise left me unprepared for the weather. When the game started I found some empty seats in the very front of the upper section. Which was a great vantage point for the game.

The game, ah the game! Jerramy Stevens redeemed (for now). Tony Romo shamed (forever). Cowboys fans humiliated (again!). The Seahawks somehow managed to back into the playoffs, and back off a cliff into the second round.

Even if the Cowboys had kicked that field goal, I still think we would have won on a 80-yard field goal by Josh Brown. Anyway, I drank way too much at that game, and screamed as much as my lungs could handle. I caught a nasty cold, which I feel I had coming anyway, and somehow got punched in the face.

My favorite part of the night is when I left the stadium. I took the wrong exit and ended up on the North end behind Qwest Field. Well, my car was on the South end and I wasn't about to walk ALL THE WAY AROUND THE STADIUM! The back alley behind the stadium is reserved for media and security, but I thought I'd take a short cut though the back alley.

"Stop! You can't go that way!" said a short female security guard that was a little on the portly side.

"Oh yeah?" I replied and started running.

"Stop!" she yelled. I broke into a full sprint as I hit another securtiy check point. "Stop him," I heard the portly one yell.

"Stop right there!" commanded a tall wiry security guard. I side stepped him and kept on running at full speed. "Stop! Stop!" they continued "Stop that man!"

I turned around and to my surprise the portly little girl was still running trying to catch me. So was the wiry guy, but his heart wasn't in it. Still, she kept running after me.

"There's no way you'll catch me!" I yelled at her and took off. I have to admit, I was really impressed by that girl. Few people ever have the guts to actually chase someone. Deliberately, I have done some terrible things in the past, just to see if someone would chase me. They never did. I love being chased. There are few things in life more exhilirating than being chased, especially after your favorite team has just won a big game and your belly is full of vodka. What happened after that is fuzzy, maybe I actually got caught. Maybe someone punched me in the face. I wish I could remember that part, it would make a good end to this story.

Time to Sneak into another Seahawks game!

Saturday January 6th, the Seattle Seahawks will host the Dallas Cowboys in a playoff showdown. I'll be there and I'm bringing my apron, but I won't be working, I'll be sneaking. Security has changed this year, but I've got my disguise and a new game plan. Check back here in a few days to see if I made it or ended up in jail.

Here's how I did it last year. 2006 No Tickets No Problem.

2007 Calendar