Friday, August 08, 2008

Beijing is off and running!


Now that the pomp is over, let the games begin! Who likes cycling through heavy smog?!?

Quit yer whining! Do it anyway, and don't stop until you get to the Great Wall of China.

I don't want to spoil the Opening Ceremonies for you, if you hear anyone talking about the torch lighting, cover your ears and sing "Almost Paradise." It doesn't quite top Barcelona's flaming arrow, but it's really creative and spectacular. You had to know Zhang Yimou wasn't going to disappoint.

Now the important stuff: I'll tell ya what athlete hotties to watch for. The flag bearer from Jordan has a killer smile (Zeina Shaban), and the ladies were quite smitten with the dancing Kenyan men. The Danish top the Swedes this year in best Nordic looks, and I give the sexiest nation prize to Italy barely edging out Brazil, but I'm extremely biased.

Kobe and Federer were the favorites of the Chinese.

In this day and age it's really pathetic and embarrassing when a nation doesn't send any women athletes. Qatar, knock it off already, Muhammad didn't say shit about having women in the Olympics. India, really, first of all, if you're the second largest nation in the world, train some frickin athletes already, and no women AT ALL!!! Even your extremely poor neighbor Bangladesh has women athletes and they have to live in a country patrolled by a brutal, fundamental, and radical Islamic police force. For shame India.

Be prepared for a really long march of nations, I miss the days when the Soviet Union and Yugoslavia would save us at least 30 nations. The UN has let this idea of the modern nation state get out hand. Who has ever heard of this country called the Youcrain? Also look for the expression on Hu Jingtao's face when "Chinese Taipei" walks in, it's worse than the scowl Bush gave Iran back in Salt Lake. The real reason Tibet, Xinjiang, Taiwan, and Hong Kong will never be free and independent is that the Olympic Committee is worried it could take up to 5 hours to get through a march of nations if China can't hold it all together.

3 comments:

Jeanne Lee said...

Oh, my gosh....

You HAVE to start your China show with your version of an "Opening Ceremony"! Sure there were 15,000 performers at Zhang Yimou's disposal and a budget in the millions, but you can do it with 1 performer and a budget of 50 bucks.

You can do it! You can.

Andrea said...

SO glad to know who the attractive people are in the Olympics. now I finally have a reason to watch :) :)

rachel said...

As a former competitive swimmer, I only have eyes for the waterbugs.