Here I am again, confused about what I'm doing with my life. For a while there, I was a really prolific calendar artist, then I started getting up on stage again and I didn't have enough time to invest in the art. Don't be mad, I can't help it, my constantly changing motivation keeps pulling me in different directions. I have to listen to my heart and right now it's telling me "thump bump, thump bump, thump bump", you know what that means.
Next week I've gotta move on out and head to L.A. and then perform a show in Orlando. After that I have no idea where I'll live, but I do have two more gigs in Seattle in June and July. So, I guess I'll keep living here for a while. Then what . . .
This will be a million dollar idea: I think I'll start a go-cart track for drunks. That's always been a dream for me. Instead of using rubber tires as dividers, I'll use common railroad hobos. Drunk on drunk violence will teach everyone a valuable lesson about caring and community, and how we as a society need more recreational activities to enhance our collective quality of life. Finally Skid Row Go-Carts can fill that void.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Sunday, April 01, 2007
This is gonna be an awesome month, I'm calling it now! I got one gig on the 12th and hopefully at least 2 more before the month is through. I'm currently on a "Conquering my fears tour" of Seattle performance. I've done the one man show (with dancers), I've done the stand-up comedy, this week it's doing improv and taking some dance lessons.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
The Mark Siano Cabaret was a hit!
I even actually made some money!
The laughs were big, the houses were good, the audience appeared to be both young and hot! Now I need to take that momentum and keep going. But I really just want to watch a stupid movie! No! Damn it, I'm going to do stand-up open mike tonight, I can put it off no longer.
I'm funny, now I need to be fearless!
Monday, March 05, 2007
The Mark Siano Cabaret March 23, 24 Rebar Seattle
NEW SHOW!!! I just booked a gig at the Rebar on March 23rd and 24th! The show will be on a Friday and Saturday night at 8:00pm. Rebar is a performance space with a FULL BAR!!! It's located at 1114 Howell Street and the corner of Howell and Boren.
It's called THE MARK SIANO CABARET and it features me for the most part with cameos from a bunch of my friends. I'll be doing some stand-up, story-telling, sketch comedy (w/ some old Habit bits), singing, and some really bad dancing!
This is my most ambitious project to date and it will undoubtedly be hilarious! If you live in this town check it out, if not catch a flight, or craigslist a rideshare, just get here! I'm warning you, if you miss this show, your life will go on pretty much the same as before.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
How to Save Iraq by Mark Siano
Ceasefire Celebration
There is only one thing that both the Sunnis and the Shias can agree on. They both want the United States to leave. Here's the deal. We'll leave, but only if these two warring factions sign a ceasefire.
Now let the party begin. The Iraqis can celebrate saying that they defeated the Americans. Meanwhile Bush can lie and say that a stable democracy has been established and essentially America has won. The Iraqis only have to stick to the ceasefire for a short period of time and then they can decide if they want to split the country along sectarian lines. Sure ceasefires aren't perfect, but if the Israelis and Palestinians can temporarily decrease the violence, so can the Iraqis.
We start leaving and bring in the UN Blue Helmets to help keep the peace. Bring in every Arabic speaker they have and tell the troops that their primary job is to CONGRATULATE THE IRAQIS. Instead of Iraqis firing guns at each other, they turn their guns to the sky in celebration.
The Iraqi government will then declare that after a short time (6 monthes or so) there will be a referendum vote to decide whether the country should be divided. This could also temporarily quell the violence. After living in relative peace for a while, people in Iraq might actually find that they enjoy it!
This plan is far from perfect, but it will save a lot of lives, and it's a hell of a lot better than an escalation.
There is only one thing that both the Sunnis and the Shias can agree on. They both want the United States to leave. Here's the deal. We'll leave, but only if these two warring factions sign a ceasefire.
Now let the party begin. The Iraqis can celebrate saying that they defeated the Americans. Meanwhile Bush can lie and say that a stable democracy has been established and essentially America has won. The Iraqis only have to stick to the ceasefire for a short period of time and then they can decide if they want to split the country along sectarian lines. Sure ceasefires aren't perfect, but if the Israelis and Palestinians can temporarily decrease the violence, so can the Iraqis.
We start leaving and bring in the UN Blue Helmets to help keep the peace. Bring in every Arabic speaker they have and tell the troops that their primary job is to CONGRATULATE THE IRAQIS. Instead of Iraqis firing guns at each other, they turn their guns to the sky in celebration.
The Iraqi government will then declare that after a short time (6 monthes or so) there will be a referendum vote to decide whether the country should be divided. This could also temporarily quell the violence. After living in relative peace for a while, people in Iraq might actually find that they enjoy it!
This plan is far from perfect, but it will save a lot of lives, and it's a hell of a lot better than an escalation.
Monday, January 08, 2007
I think someone punched me in the face!
I don't remember getting punched in the face. There is a bruise on my nose that I discovered after the Seahawks v. Cowboys game. I don't know how it happened. Yes, I was very intoxicated.
I snuck into the Seahawks game with ease. I showed up in my catering outfit, and flashed my badge at the back gate. That was easy. I brandished my mighty apron when the cop at the sign-in table tried to stop me. Again easy. I slipped past the bag check just like last year and headed for the elevator. There I met a "fellow employee," he was a beer vendor, and together we waited for the elevator. Security told us we didn't get to ride the freight elevator and that we had to take "the ramp." Beer vendor guy was pissed, I acted casually annoyed.
We headed for the ramp, and another security guard stopped us.
"I need to see your wristbands guys," he demanded.
Beer vendor quickly produced his, and I pretended to flash my wristband and attempted to walk away. He didn't fall for it.
"Hold on. Where's your wristband?"
"I missed the check in, I was running late."
"You gotta have that wristband, we're on Code Orange."
"I'll get it from my manager on the club level," I said and walked away uncontested. I never found out what Code Orange meant. I interpreted it as, "let 'em go!"
I walked past a few more gates with my trademark confident "I know what I'm doing" stride. I carried the apron high, so security guards would know that I was not to be fucked with. Walking into the main concourse unobstructed I headed for the bathroom to change. Dropping my apron and putting on some Seahawks gear, I completed the transformation from caterer to superfan.
Without any plan after that, I ventured the stadium in search of a good vantage point to watch the game in case I couldn't get seats. At random I decided to try section 311 to get off my feet for a while.
"Mark!" I heard someone yell. I didn't think anyone I knew was going to be at this game. It was Jenny and Jay sitting in section 311. Jenny is the girl that helped Ryan Dobosh and I sneak into the All-Star game back in 2001. I just have that kind of luck. Fortune favors the bold. I hung with them for a while and they hooked me up with some gloves and a blanket which was extremely helpful, because that stadium was really cold and my catering disguise left me unprepared for the weather. When the game started I found some empty seats in the very front of the upper section. Which was a great vantage point for the game.
The game, ah the game! Jerramy Stevens redeemed (for now). Tony Romo shamed (forever). Cowboys fans humiliated (again!). The Seahawks somehow managed to back into the playoffs, and back off a cliff into the second round.
Even if the Cowboys had kicked that field goal, I still think we would have won on a 80-yard field goal by Josh Brown. Anyway, I drank way too much at that game, and screamed as much as my lungs could handle. I caught a nasty cold, which I feel I had coming anyway, and somehow got punched in the face.
My favorite part of the night is when I left the stadium. I took the wrong exit and ended up on the North end behind Qwest Field. Well, my car was on the South end and I wasn't about to walk ALL THE WAY AROUND THE STADIUM! The back alley behind the stadium is reserved for media and security, but I thought I'd take a short cut though the back alley.
"Stop! You can't go that way!" said a short female security guard that was a little on the portly side.
"Oh yeah?" I replied and started running.
"Stop!" she yelled. I broke into a full sprint as I hit another securtiy check point. "Stop him," I heard the portly one yell.
"Stop right there!" commanded a tall wiry security guard. I side stepped him and kept on running at full speed. "Stop! Stop!" they continued "Stop that man!"
I turned around and to my surprise the portly little girl was still running trying to catch me. So was the wiry guy, but his heart wasn't in it. Still, she kept running after me.
"There's no way you'll catch me!" I yelled at her and took off. I have to admit, I was really impressed by that girl. Few people ever have the guts to actually chase someone. Deliberately, I have done some terrible things in the past, just to see if someone would chase me. They never did. I love being chased. There are few things in life more exhilirating than being chased, especially after your favorite team has just won a big game and your belly is full of vodka. What happened after that is fuzzy, maybe I actually got caught. Maybe someone punched me in the face. I wish I could remember that part, it would make a good end to this story.
I snuck into the Seahawks game with ease. I showed up in my catering outfit, and flashed my badge at the back gate. That was easy. I brandished my mighty apron when the cop at the sign-in table tried to stop me. Again easy. I slipped past the bag check just like last year and headed for the elevator. There I met a "fellow employee," he was a beer vendor, and together we waited for the elevator. Security told us we didn't get to ride the freight elevator and that we had to take "the ramp." Beer vendor guy was pissed, I acted casually annoyed.
We headed for the ramp, and another security guard stopped us.
"I need to see your wristbands guys," he demanded.
Beer vendor quickly produced his, and I pretended to flash my wristband and attempted to walk away. He didn't fall for it.
"Hold on. Where's your wristband?"
"I missed the check in, I was running late."
"You gotta have that wristband, we're on Code Orange."
"I'll get it from my manager on the club level," I said and walked away uncontested. I never found out what Code Orange meant. I interpreted it as, "let 'em go!"
I walked past a few more gates with my trademark confident "I know what I'm doing" stride. I carried the apron high, so security guards would know that I was not to be fucked with. Walking into the main concourse unobstructed I headed for the bathroom to change. Dropping my apron and putting on some Seahawks gear, I completed the transformation from caterer to superfan.
Without any plan after that, I ventured the stadium in search of a good vantage point to watch the game in case I couldn't get seats. At random I decided to try section 311 to get off my feet for a while.
"Mark!" I heard someone yell. I didn't think anyone I knew was going to be at this game. It was Jenny and Jay sitting in section 311. Jenny is the girl that helped Ryan Dobosh and I sneak into the All-Star game back in 2001. I just have that kind of luck. Fortune favors the bold. I hung with them for a while and they hooked me up with some gloves and a blanket which was extremely helpful, because that stadium was really cold and my catering disguise left me unprepared for the weather. When the game started I found some empty seats in the very front of the upper section. Which was a great vantage point for the game.
The game, ah the game! Jerramy Stevens redeemed (for now). Tony Romo shamed (forever). Cowboys fans humiliated (again!). The Seahawks somehow managed to back into the playoffs, and back off a cliff into the second round.
Even if the Cowboys had kicked that field goal, I still think we would have won on a 80-yard field goal by Josh Brown. Anyway, I drank way too much at that game, and screamed as much as my lungs could handle. I caught a nasty cold, which I feel I had coming anyway, and somehow got punched in the face.
My favorite part of the night is when I left the stadium. I took the wrong exit and ended up on the North end behind Qwest Field. Well, my car was on the South end and I wasn't about to walk ALL THE WAY AROUND THE STADIUM! The back alley behind the stadium is reserved for media and security, but I thought I'd take a short cut though the back alley.
"Stop! You can't go that way!" said a short female security guard that was a little on the portly side.
"Oh yeah?" I replied and started running.
"Stop!" she yelled. I broke into a full sprint as I hit another securtiy check point. "Stop him," I heard the portly one yell.
"Stop right there!" commanded a tall wiry security guard. I side stepped him and kept on running at full speed. "Stop! Stop!" they continued "Stop that man!"
I turned around and to my surprise the portly little girl was still running trying to catch me. So was the wiry guy, but his heart wasn't in it. Still, she kept running after me.
"There's no way you'll catch me!" I yelled at her and took off. I have to admit, I was really impressed by that girl. Few people ever have the guts to actually chase someone. Deliberately, I have done some terrible things in the past, just to see if someone would chase me. They never did. I love being chased. There are few things in life more exhilirating than being chased, especially after your favorite team has just won a big game and your belly is full of vodka. What happened after that is fuzzy, maybe I actually got caught. Maybe someone punched me in the face. I wish I could remember that part, it would make a good end to this story.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Time to Sneak into another Seahawks game!
Saturday January 6th, the Seattle Seahawks will host the Dallas Cowboys in a playoff showdown. I'll be there and I'm bringing my apron, but I won't be working, I'll be sneaking. Security has changed this year, but I've got my disguise and a new game plan. Check back here in a few days to see if I made it or ended up in jail.
Here's how I did it last year. 2006 No Tickets No Problem.
Here's how I did it last year. 2006 No Tickets No Problem.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Monday, December 18, 2006
Art Nouveau 2007 Calendar
I'm sorry everyone, but we got gyped this Christmas! (I can say that, because I'm half Gypsy) Next year, Christmas comes on a Tuesday. We better get that Monday off. New Year's Eve might be up for debate, but not if this Penguin has anything to say about it.
Another preview, and yes, I know the entire calendar isn't "Art Nouveau." I'd say 9 out of 12 monthes are. July, August, and November are a bit more cartoonish. If you'd like one, email me at marxiano@gmail.com.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
2007 Calendar Project Preview
Hopefully the full calendar should be finished by Thanksgiving. Here's a sample of what I've been working on.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Dems take House and Senate- Mark Siano Projects
The GOP isn't going to mount a battle for Macaca in Virginia.
It took America 6 years to figure out this guy wasn't a good president? We have a serious education gap in this country. 803 days left until George Bush leaves office. To all the people who finally voted Democratic this time, thanks. We could've used you a few years back.
My Dad, the staunch Republican didn't even vote in this last election. I nearly dislocated my jaw when he told me he was happy the Democrats had won. I really can't believe after all these years we're agreeing on national politics. Finally America can come together. Whether you're Republican, Democratic, or a Independent Christian Socialist Libertine, we can all agree that Iraq is a failed policy and that George Bush is full of it.
I give all this talk of bi-partisan politics three to four hours before it turns ugly again. Nancy Pelosi is going to remind Republicans why they hated liberals so much in the first place.
It took America 6 years to figure out this guy wasn't a good president? We have a serious education gap in this country. 803 days left until George Bush leaves office. To all the people who finally voted Democratic this time, thanks. We could've used you a few years back.
My Dad, the staunch Republican didn't even vote in this last election. I nearly dislocated my jaw when he told me he was happy the Democrats had won. I really can't believe after all these years we're agreeing on national politics. Finally America can come together. Whether you're Republican, Democratic, or a Independent Christian Socialist Libertine, we can all agree that Iraq is a failed policy and that George Bush is full of it.
I give all this talk of bi-partisan politics three to four hours before it turns ugly again. Nancy Pelosi is going to remind Republicans why they hated liberals so much in the first place.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Bumblebee!
Yo! This is Mukilteo Bumblebee. If Mark ain't gonna write on this thing, I will, since I got his password anyway. Well it's halloween and I am back, and I am ready to throw you a few poems straight from the combs.
Buzz Buzz Honey
Buzz Buzz Money
I don't need no dough
but y'all ought to know
I'm coming for your flowers
I'm not waiting for April showers
Protect the Queen?
That's what I do.
Don't tell me how to live my life.
Unless you are the queen,
in which case I say . . .
Buzz Buzz Queenie
Buzz Buzz Halloweenie
What's good for the queen is good for the hive
I'll dance all day just to stay alive
I'll dance to the left, buzz, dance to the right
I'll dance with the wasps, I'll dance all night
Just to show you,
Where my honey at
Just to give you
the coordinates
I'll rhyme when I want to
Or maybe I won't
Or give ya half ass rhymes
like get in my boat!
That didn't make no sense
and neither does you face
I'll dance and buzz til ya get the picture
Buzz buzz step to the left
fly up straight
loopty loop
Buzz back down
do the double-J scoop
Shake it buzzy Shake it up
Dance c'mon dance dance buzz
Damn!
I'm dancing like this and dancing like that
Now you know where my honey's at
I know all you kids are dying to be
Just like the original,Mukilteo Bumblebee
Saturday, October 21, 2006
The Brothers have worked it out.
The Brothers are alright. Representatives for the Fire have said that the Fire is going to go underground for the next few years, maybe come out with a new, bigger fire in 2008.
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